Lost & Found

Sometimes, thoughts clog up my head. Little did I think, things would end up like it has! But it has! Acceptance does make it easy, but does it make me happy? Life has been a constant process of dreaming, aspiring and desiring. A little to far fetch-ed. Looking back makes me nostalgic. There is a pain of seeing everyday being so much different then I had thought in my head. This makes me want to break free, cut loose, break up and get Lost.

Lost- I chose to be lost. Lost, not in an unknown land, but lost in a figment of my imagination. I did wander around a lot, been to places over and over till I knew where to take a U-turn. That day, I decided to be lost. I knew in my heart- I was heading a wrong direction. But I let myself keep going. I kept travelling deeper. It was the sheer delight of being lost. It gave me a rush. It made me feel good. I was going with the feeling. I knew I had to take a U-turn at some point and head back. I wanted to go on a little longer. I knew the longer I travel the greater pain it would be for me to return back. I turned-out to be a masochistic, in the shadow and amidst of womanism.   

I could be pseudo. I could be a liar. I have lied to myself too long, lived in illusion of being somebody different. But may be… I am someone who loves living. Trying to make the best out of any situation, not letting me bound down by social conventions. I am an adventurer on my own right. I’m reclaiming my life, or at least trying to. It’s hard. It has changed me. Rather, it would be right to say- It has brought out the other side of me. This me, is much different than I had once claimed to be.

Life is a process of evolving. At every cross road you meet people, right people, wrong people, good and bad. They all have an everlasting effect on you- consciously or unconsciously, we carry a part of them within us. They mold you, they change you. I could have been another person, had I met different people, had different experiences. I realized, at times it’s important to loose one-self. I lost myself and found my true self.